Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny stress quotes, funny stress sayings, and funny stress proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. ~Brian Tracy Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let … See also: positive quotes, healing quotes. These are somewhat cool and sometimes these are boring to share now but keep calm quotes with some funky touch are all we need to upload on our social medias to express our inner soul . Then I want to move in with them.”, “We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.”, “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”, “Life is a sexually transmitted disease.”, “I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.”, “Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.”, “The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going.”, “If you lived with a roommate as unstable as this economic system, you would’ve moved out or demanded that your roommate get professional help.”, “When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.”, “Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.”, “I love being married. I have erased this line.”, “What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.”, “Always borrow money from a pessimist. To get you in the summer beach spirit I’ve rounded up 117 of the best beach quotes. Funny Inner Peace Quotes (Some Are Surprising) Go to table of contents. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”, “Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.”, “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”, “Never have more children than you have car windows.”, “I drink to make other people more interesting.”, “Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art.”, “You’re only as good as your last haircut.”, “Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”, “Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.”, “I can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.”, “The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”, “Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.”, “We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.”, “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”, “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Thank you so much for all the jokes! I feel ten years older already.”, “I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.”, “I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.”, “It’s just a job. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”, “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”, “I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.”, “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”, “To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.”, “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”, “Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”, “Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.”, “The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”, “Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”, “If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.”, “Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.”, “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”, “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. The best way involves laughter, which is why there are so many silly quotes about anger that will help you relax. Funny Quotes For Girlfriend to Make Her Calm Down. July 20, 2017 October 8, 2019 everywishes Leave a Comment on Keep Calm Quotes – Keep Calm Funny Quotes – Keep Calm Memes Keep Calm Quotes If the start of the college year, the finish of summer time, and all sorts of their related tasks make you feel just a little stressed, keep These Quotes in your mind and don’t forget to Keep Calm . “The ability to stay calm and focused in the midst of change is what distinguishes great … “Ego is like a wall between you and the calm realm of the soul. Calm down and cheer up – You’re equipped to handle it. We collected all the keep calm... Read more. I beat people up.”, “God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.”, “The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.”, “It’s always darkest before the dawn. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”, “I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”, “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”, “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”, “Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.”, “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”, “As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”, “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.”, “All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”, “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”, “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”, “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. Depression is when you lose yours.”, “Have no fear of perfection. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.”, “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”, “How many people here have telekenetic powers? You’ll never reach it.”, “Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.”, “A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.”, “I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead.”, “I don’t want any yes-men around me. Inner Peace Quotes: “Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. The doctor said my heart will always be fine with you in it. “In every circumstance, keep calm.” —Lailah Gifty Akita. They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”, “God is at home, it’s we who have gone out for a walk.”, “In the past 10,000 years, humans have devised roughly 100,000 religions based on roughly 2,500 gods. We’ve got you covered…eval(ez_write_tag([[300,250],'keepinspiring_me-medrectangle-3','ezslot_3',182,'0','0'])); We’ve compiled the largest list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”, “Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.”, “If you must make a noise, make it quietly.”, “A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.”, “Man has his will, but woman has her way.”, “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.”, “There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. Jul 7, 2019 - Explore Stephanie's board "calm quotes" on Pinterest. Herbert Hoover. I’m sure you’ll find a beach quote that you’ll love! Most of us easily get demotivated in hard times and super excited in good times. - Mary Anne Radmacher Join 500+ subscribers to never miss the upcoming amazing content, © Copyright 2020 GoodVitae - For those who dare to dream, 29 Personality Quotes to Achieve Greatness in Life, 20 Funny Inspirational Quotes About Life and Happiness, 82 Amazing Entrepreneurs REVEALED Top 8 Habits to Follow, 5 Soft Skills in The Workplace You MUST Need for Career Growth. Just like everyone else.”, “Age is an issue of mind over matter. So which one of the calm quotes did you like the most? Anger Issues If you get angry easily, … Recent Quotes. The just-misses. “Accept that you can never be happy or sad permanently, and you will detach from both of it to achieve calmness.”, 8. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”, “It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”, “Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.”, “I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!”, “Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.”, “I hate women because they always know where things are.”, “A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”, “Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.”, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Calm Down With These Funny Keep Calm Quotes. “Meditation is the ultimate mobile device; you can use it anywhere, anytime, unobtrusively.” – Sharon … Thanks for the great selection of quotes, I needed to find my sense of humor after losing it. Very nice collections of quotes I liked it very much so thanks for sharing very positive motivational quotes and keep posting. We’re glad you found them helpful! “Calmness is a state where you know the difference between desire and rightfulness.”, 4.

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