The root of all problems is a theological problem. Americans say happiness is paramount; the Bible says that God’s glory is the reason for marriage. Thanks for sharing! Thanks for your feedback. Then I realized that was a LIE! You can pray all you want in an unhappy marriage; but prayer will be blocked solid if you’re in an unholy marriage. Dr. Halee Gray Scott is an author, independent scholar, and researcher. I would put so much pressure on myself to be this “perfect” wife because I had so many people looking up to us. It's not that God doesn't want our marriages to bring us deep satisfaction and happiness, it's just that marriage is bursting with opportunities for deeper spiritual growth—opportunities we may be missing if we're not asking all the right questions. God has shown my through Gary Thomas’ writings and Alex Kendrick’s and Stephen Kendrick’s book, The Love Dare, that marriage works best when I allow God to transform me into Christ’s image as I put my husband’s needs ahead of my own. She is currently writing a book to help Christian women leaders thrive in ministry. He spoke thoughtfully, ensuring that his words contributed to the well-being of others. If it is, you’re going to be disappointed.) Surely God wants us to be happy, but what if marriage is more about making us holy instead of just being happy. The other half of this, what follows the “marriage is not about happiness” lie is God made marriage as a way to prefect us, grow us up, help us work things out, make us holy, or something like that. Therefore, because you are one, God only needs one of you to submit to His authority (to actually do what He says to do) to heal your marriage. Even satan is a theologian (a faulty and wrong theologian). But what if the goal of marriage isn’t actually happiness, but holiness? It is very insightful. She applied (and was hired) for jobs I thought she needed more experience for. Change ). CT's weekly newsletter to help women grow their marriage and family relationships through biblical principles. ( Log Out /  Happiness is like the ebb and flow of a tide, always changing. We understood—even then—that our marriage was ultimately more about our moral development than personal satisfaction and contentment. Change ), You are commenting using your Facebook account. Change ), You are commenting using your Google account. | God's Way Actually Works, Foundational Attribute of a Strong Marriage: Forgiveness | God's Way Actually Works. I was able to "see ahead" and discern what words would best build up the other person. 1. Because of his daily influence, I've learned how to be more tactful in the way I say things. The Christian walk is not about our happiness. But not only are holiness and happiness (or blessedness) joined in the Psalms; they get linked together in the Proverbs, and very tightly by Jesus in his Beatitudes (Matthew 5:2–12). I was afraid, wondering how I would be able to provide for my family. Holiness gives us new desires and brings old desires into line with one another. We can fail to experience happiness in marriage because we belong to our self-centeredness more than to our spouses. Throughout our marriage, I (Paul) have seen Halee demonstrate courage over and over. Courage. rather than "What are we forging together?" Our culture shapes our thinking and conduct regarding marriage to an incredible degree. How our marriage has made us better people, What a bicycle built for two did to our marriage, Embracing age in a youth-obsessed culture. I (Halee) have never been good at moderation; I always seem to operate in extremes, whether in work or play. According to WetPaint, Sean seems to be saying that his own marriage to Catherine is more about God than the couple’s romantic relationship.None of this should come as a surprise to anyone who knows how faith-centered the former Bachelor is. How important it is to be Holy rather than happy, or should I say that holiness can bring happiness! The trouble—even for contemporary Christians—is that we often approach marital issues in an individualistic way. Because the Holy Spirit is in you while you are one with your spouse, your choice to align yourself with God will change your marriage, regardless of your spouse’s attitude. God uses marriage to produce holiness in us, not necessarily happiness. [Graphic: Cover of Gary Thomas’ book, Sacred Marriage.]. In the cornucopia of Christian marriage self-help books, the guiding questions seem to be along the lines of "What can I get out of this?" CT's weekly newsletter highlighting the voices of women writers. But what do these opportunities look like in everyday life? Change ), You are commenting using your Twitter account. 5 people found this helpful. When I was tempted to respond to someone quickly and brashly, I took three days to think it through and pray. Paul dreamed of living alone on a boat off the coast of Newport Beach, California; Halee had plans to travel the world teaching English overseas. The writer of Hebrews also seems to point toward holiness in marriage. Holiness within marriage is essential for us to maintain an active prayer life. When he cleaned the house, he didn't always dust or mop or polish the leather couches. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, may God bless you to continue to grow in Him, you have much to share – people need this! N either of us "needed" to get married. Our marriages would get a lot better if we stopped making happiness our goal….if instead of seeking happiness, we started seeking holiness. The pastor said these wise words: “If the person you are married to is ‘bad’ enough that Jesus had to die for his or her sins, then your spouse is going to annoy you from time to time.” Oh, the truth in those words … and it works both ways! Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. So we must take heed that we do not fall into the same © Grace Daniels 2017. She has been leading Bible studies through her local church for over a decade and is passionate about encouraging others to pursue a close, deep, personal, and intimate relationship with God. Mrs. K J Bell. What's inside this article. Of course, our marriages are fallen. But, my happiness doesn’t come from him alone. How exactly can marriage make us more holy? But more often than not, his temperate approach was the better way, and even if it doesn't always come naturally, I've learned to practice moderation in various areas of my life. She divides her life into two segments – before and after March 2013, when she made the commitment to tithe the first hour of her day to one-on-one time with God no matter what. Charity. Grace, God desires the biggest romance ever with us. This one life decision invited God’s healing power into her life, transforming her from the inside out. Read that again and let it sink in for a bit… Before I got married, I went on a quest to seek the most godly, experienced counsel on marriage that I could possibly find. For example, guys sometimes think they have a "right" to their own space or their own time (like a night out with the guys), but I (Paul) realized that the perceived "rights" I had were really selfish aspects of my character that God wanted to change through our marriage. Before I move on to the next stage of my transformation journey, I’d like to share more of what I have learned about living marriage God’s way. Dr. Williams told me one of my friend’s daughters had just married a young man from Dallas. or "How can our marriage make us each more like Christ?" (3) The goal of marriage is deeper. Marriage Investing in us Faith and marriage Gratitude. Both of us were independent and for the most part, content in our singleness. I (Halee) can be candid to a fault. Charity is the highest, the most important of the three theological virtues (faith, hope, charity). When you apply this statement to a married couple, things take a new light. Where Have All the Gray-Haired Ladies Gone. The truth didn't always have to be painful. It’s not the happiness we have when we expect the right things of the right things—a solid, grounded happiness that’s earthy but not worldly, and is simply good. Early in life I'd seen how damaging it was to bury emotions, so in an effort to avoid that mistake, I made the equal and opposite error of expressing myself without a great deal of forethought. The bride and groom represent God and his church….whom he says is the Bride of Christ. She went on to brave 16 hours of labor to bring our daughter into the world. It was almost like a contest of who could go the longest without acknowledging the other’s presence … and I used to be that way!! Some believe that they are joined together for the betterment of each other. This isn’t to say that my beloved doesn’t make me happy. Marriage is about your holiness.”. Paul dreamed of living alone on a boat off the coast of Newport Beach, California; Halee had plans to travel the world teaching English overseas. She speaks regularly in front of hundreds of people even though she's terrified of public speaking. Thomas Aquinas describes it as "the most excellent of virtues … the habit of charity extends not only to the love of God, but also to the love of our neighbor." It wasn't until the 12th century that the troubadours (a group of traveling poets) introduced the concept of courtly love as we know it today. We bring things that do not belong, such as bitterness and anger. For him, it wasn't so much about the destination as it was the journey along the way. Since I did the Love Dare to my husband, he took over unloading the dishwasher, despite my never asking him to do so. I'd been working for the company for 14 years, and I'd known God was calling me to leave the company for a long time, but I couldn't imagine leaving after all the years I'd put into the company. It wasn't adequate to pick up the clutter around the house when the floors needed to be mopped and the baseboards scrubbed. Marriage does not guarantee happiness. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. During this period, Paul taught me his "three-day rule." I dare you to do The Love Dare for 40 days and see what happens. (For that matter, the goal of your life shouldn’t be happiness either. Still other groups have emphasized the spiritual goals of marriage. C.S. This passage from Ephesians on marriage … The writer of Hebrews also seems to point toward holiness in marriage. And preceding any possibility of finding true happy-holiness is the profound reality that our sins must be permanently and forever removed before a holy God. Often translated "wisdom," the word prudence comes from the word providence, which means "to see ahead." Sign Up For Our Newsletter Temperance. Eventually, I didn't need to practice the three-day rule in order to exercise prudence in my daily interactions with Paul and others. Every action we take has a consequence for our character. Happiness is in the Lord, but without holiness, no man shall see the Lord. while I sweated it out for an A+. 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